Breaking the Rules
by KendraDane
Summary: While blogging Garcia reflects on her relationship with Morgan. No longer a one shot. Due to review requests I've continued this story and will be posting win the week. Thanks! Kendra
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds. All characters are owned by CBS. I'm just borrowing them.

This is my first Criminal Minds Fic. Just a little one shot that came to me. Hope ya'll enjoy!

* * *

Feb. 9th 2006. Blogging to myself.

The rules to my game were simple...

Do not fall for him and don't EVER, no matter what, believe that the game  
was real.

I can not believe I forgot my own rules. All that the game was ever supposed  
to be was playful fun to take our minds, even if only for a moment, from our  
gruesome work. I liked being able to HEAR the smile in his voice. Helping  
him know that someone was, and always would be, there for him.

It was my way of coping with the horrible things that I had NEVER been  
trained to deal with. I was a computer rat. I did programming. I never  
expected the things I would have to see in doing my work for the team. The  
dead bodies. The hurt victims. The miles of video and code I'd have to go  
through, hearing the screams over and over in my head.

Set it aside...And make Derek smile.

It was a fun game. But then I broke my rules. I made the mistake of allowing  
the smallest part of me to believe that our flirting might be more than  
that. In bed, late at night, I would allow myself the luxury of believing,  
even though I knew better.

I knew we should end the game. I tried. I honestly did. I tried to make the  
game a team affair. Allowing the rest of the team a good chuckle at my  
expense when I would 'accidentally' "hot stuff" Hotch or Reid. I tried to  
distance myself from the game with Morgan but it was just too addictive. I  
craved the sweet tone of his voice. Anticipated the heady things he might  
say.

The illusion of the game ended for me the night of the explosion.

I freaked out. I totally and seriously freaked out. Seeing that building  
burn. Knowing that was the town Derek was in. I KNEW it could not be a  
coincidence. I thought he was dead and I had lost him. JJ was in the room  
but I was past caring. All I cared about was hearing his voice and knowing  
that he was alright. I did not even attempt to hide my feelings. Feelings  
that I hadn't even admitted to myself until I had dialed his number, the  
"Please pick up" litany on my lips. It was the closest thing to a prayer I  
could muster at the time. To actually PRAY to God...Even in my state, the  
dream was so fragile that I could not even admit it to Him.

Wow, that's pretty pathetic. I don't know if it is pride or self preservation that keeps me from saying anything now. You would have thought that his near death experience would have had me revealing my true feelings for him like some heroine in a romance novel.

But this is the real world. Not a book.

Hell, it's not even a decent TV show.

I can't say anything. Not now and I doubt I'll be any braver in the future. Because I know how the world works. A girl like me and a guy like him…

Never in a million years.

So I broke the rules. It's my game, right? I never told anyone that I 'play well with others'. I can play my game any way I choose. The only person that is going to get hurt is myself and I can live with that. I…

BEEP BEEP

Garcia glanced from her computer screen down at her caller ID and smiled. Pushing the keyboard away from her she cleared her throat before answering, knowing in her heart that she was going to get burned someday.

"Office of Brilliance and Beauty."

Garcia twirled her finger around a strand of her hair as she continued her verbal dance with Morgan. With her other she quickly pressed a few keys and clicked her mouse a few times and her blog vanished into the trash can.

Some day could be a long way away. Besides, what fun was it to play with fire if you knew when you would get burned?


	2. Chapter 2

Due to review requests I will be continuing this story. Update to be posted by Monday

Thanks!

Kendra 


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